Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Why I'm making personal sacrifices for a very scary end goal

WHEW!! I don't know about you, but I feel like summer has been flying by! I cannot believe it is already August.  Since my last post nearly a month ago, I've been getting sucked into my work routine.  I've been working my tush off and not making enough time for myself.  A beautiful assortment of part time jobs, dog sitting, housesitting, gardening, family time, friends….So while I am contributing to my community, helping neighbors, and saving money, I'm slacking in the Katie department.  I'm placing other people's lives in front of my own.

I haven't had the time to cook for myself or even grocery shop for myself.  I crave this.  It's part of my mediation and self-care regime. Instead I'm buying 8 bags of kettle pop chips and Dunkin' Donuts Coffee Cake Muffins for my adorable 90-year old mommom because I want her to feel happy and comfortable during the time I don't spend with her.  My regular yoga practice has evaporated along with my desire to work out, as I'm totally pooped after hustling through shifts at work. I'm behind on my health coaching program….which I'm totally obsessed with, but I find myself unable to focus on the modules.  I definitely haven't prioritized this blog. She's my accidental 10 month old baby, giving me an outlet where I can write without inhibitions and hopefully feed your soul through my honest words. And I'm definitely not showering every day, or every other day.  And it's really fucking humid and buggy out East and working outside makes me hot and sticky and thank god for deodorant (see?! There's always something good to be found in something unpleasant). Check out how to make my homemade spray deodorant here.

Lately I'm feeling like I need to slow down more, be more present. One of my mentors and well-known entrepreneur and coach, Cynthia Pasquella, said that when she notices her mind start to wander, she'll think, "…and I'm back."  I've been trying this method out for the past week or so, and it's working beautifully.  I'll be having a conversation with someone and I start to focus my attention on another task (because I feel like I always need to multitask, which is one of my downfalls) I'll think, "...and I'm back" so I can be present in our conversation again.

If I want to be heard, I need to listen to others first. 

Yesterday I picked flowers and brought them into work.  I knew I would be standing in front of a POS system all day talking to people so I thought, if I had flowers, not only would they remind me to be more present, more grateful, but I could also share them with customers who might also find pleasure from them. It worked :)

I keep myself distracted through work, visiting with family, staying focused on making money so I can feel secure enough at the end of summer to move out of my aunt and uncle's house and sign my VERY FIRST LEASE since college. Holy fucking commitment, bring it on!! I'm ready for you, and I'm going to embrace every uncomfortable part of it with warm fuzzy hugs.  I've been so scared to sign a lease because it's the opposite of my gypsy lifestyle.

It's not what I know.  It's not familiar to me.

But I'm learning to stop running away from things that scare me and to face them head on.  Instead, I'm going to move into a new place, in a new city, and stay for awhile.  I'll manifest a rad community. I want to make roots and settle for at least a year.  I want to put more energy into my dreams and share them with others, and be successful at it.  And it is OK to rely on family and friends.  It's OK to take care of myself, to shower every other day, to take long walks without my cell phone, to browse Instagram for 15 minutes and not feel guilty about it.  It is OK to stop controlling my future and let life run it's course. I want to face my fears head on AND embrace them.