Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I'd like a big scoop of free-time please….hold the hard work

Are you an early riser or a night owl?  I love mornings…most of the time. Morning is a time for me to get my brain and body moving, slowly and peacefully, aka please don't give me a to-do list or force me to listen to your loud, upbeat music, I'm just waking up and I'll continue to do it for the next hour or so... ok? Great. 

Theres something so satisfying about spending a quiet stormy morning in bed, frothy coconut milk herbal coffee in hand, definitely no pants on, fluffy pillows for optimal comfort, and a blank page inviting me to share my thoughts.  And this A.M. I've got some deep ones so brace yo self.

I think about why I drove from California out to Massachusetts in the first place:

To feed my adventurer's soul.
To escape an environment that didn't nurture my growth.
To refocus on my passions.
To remind me of what's truly important.
Oh and hot beaches.

I've been in a bit of a funk recently…Things just aren't flowing like they were a month ago.  As I sit and reflect on these feelings, everything starts rushing to the surface, but one thing in particular is resonating with me today.  I am reeeeally good at grasping onto the day-to-day happenings that provide me with solace.  Good friends, family time, nature, media, music, cooking, work.  I tend to give myself excuses because, "How can something fun be bad?" I'll go to the beach, do yoga, spend all night cooking (I actually like doing this, I am not crazy) or catch up with a friend for 3 hours.  These habits can be great, but I have a tendency to do this in excess.  

I am terrible at making sacrifices. I am going to blame that on the fact that I'm an only child… is that allowed? I'm learning that when I have a lot of work that needs to be done, and on those days it's especially important to make "me" time, I have to be realistic too.  So today I'll just have time for a short beach walk.  And lucky me, I live near the beach, so I can do that! Instead of thinking, I only get to spend 20 minutes outside today. Wahh Wahhhhhh, closed-minded thinking wins again.

Lately though I've been using this personal time as a distraction so I don't have to deal with my shit right now.  Shit being my deeply-rooted problems that I'm too scared to face.  Like, why can't I open up and be totally honest with myself?  Why can't I look at myself in complete perfection, as Intended? Why can't I let my heart shine and be free from judgement and self doubt and fear? Why am I too scared to push forward with my business, when there is absolutely NO PERSON telling me that what I'm doing sucks.  Yet my daily distractions keep enticing me to play and explore.  While fun is crucial in life, I need to find balance. I can't be healthy when I'm serving myself a big slice of entertainment with a condiment-sized portion of hard work.  

If I want to see results in my personal life and professional career, I need to put more work in.  I am trying to figure out how to make "fun" sacrifices and manage my time to bring these terrifyingly beautiful goals to fruition.  It's all a balancing act!

When in Bruges, beer and best friends always win :)