Thursday, April 9, 2015

"Close your eyes. Fall in love. Stay there." Rumi

I read this Rumi quote this week and it completely resonated with me.  So beautifully simple, and yet it speaks volumes.  While I have been enjoying my freedom on the road exploring and have spent invaluable time with family and friends, these past few weeks have felt a little lonely.  Even though I am connecting with people around me and enjoying the gems each destination has to offer, I still don't know what I'm looking for.  Now that I am finally in Massachusetts, do I really want to be here?  Is it the frigid spring weather I don't like? Or am I scared to actually settle down for a while? Maybe this is a common thought for others approaching their 25th year of life too.
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I know what will benefit my mind/body/soul, but I don't always do it.  Like I should meditate and do yoga to find clarity and strength.  I should eat less sugar and I should save my money instead of buying that cute swimsuit I don't need.  Just because someone (or my head) decided I "should" do something, doesn't mean it is right.  So many of my friends are constantly looking for boyfriends or getting engaged, thinking that will bring them happiness.  It's easy to feel the pressure to conform and lose sight of your own wants. After being in Brooklyn for a week, I started to care more about my appearance (There is an abundance of very sexy men and they happen to better dressed then you and me…) When I lived in Colorado, I didn't care if I was walking around in yoga pants without makeup, but if I didn't get on the mountain on a powder day, then people would question if I was a true local.  I would end up riding some days just because I didn't know what else to do to entertain myself.

I'm not going to be a sheep. I want to keep discovering what serves me and what doesn't. I may be indecisive. And I'm not good at long term commitments.  I can't hold a job for more than 6 months and I haven't signed a year-long lease since college.  I like to move a lot because there are so many wonderful places to explore.  This is one reason why I tend to make myself unavailable for relationships. I'm not single nor taken.  I am manifesting my dreams. Through the cloudy social pressure and inherent indecisive battles, I will create the relationships and career I desire.  This Rumi quote reminds me that whatever I want and need, I will manifest it, as long as I believe and acknowledge it's existence within.  This self love will help me find what I am looking for, whatever that may be.