Starting in high school, my anxiety made it's first appearance when I chose to constantly compare myself to my friends and peers. This manifested in my body through stress and stomach aches that would leave me feeling like my immune system was totally shot. While I've learned how to use food as preventative medication, I have also realized how important it is to listen to our all-knowing inner voice. We all have one, but we need to practice tuning in.
Listening to this voice has really made the difference in my overall health. Prior to this road trip, I likely would have worried if the water I was drinking wasn't filtered, or if the apple I bought wasn't GMO free. Over the last month I've been working towards pushing aside this worrisome behavior. I've handed over the reigns and am letting my inner voice guide my soul. I'm calling this a holistic detox that doesn't put diet in the spotlight.
|my failed attempt at a snow-stand|
I used to worry SO much about what others thought of me. I cared what they thought in regards to what I said or what I did. I was afraid of judgement. Up until recently, I worried that I didn't have my shit together. Meaning, I am a jobless nomad on a winter road trip who has a college education that I'm not really using. In reality, people don't care as much about you as you think! They probably don't care at all, actually. In the end, if they judge you, they aren't worth keeping around in your circle. I think judgement is one of the ugliest characteristics, so everyday I strive to be more accepting. Being drawn to people who are open and kind has given me the courage to act this way as well. When I am being totally myself (including listening to my inner voice), I seem to bring an abundance of wonderful people and gifts into my life.
2. Unnecessary consumption
Not only did I stay in Colorado for two extra weeks so I could visit with friends, enjoy my old stomping grounds and ride some powder, but I also had a whole bunch of stuff I had accumulated since college, sitting in a storage unit collecting dust and emptying my wallet. I realized how much stuff I had gathered over the years from bedding and books, to art supplies and kitchenware. I didn't need most of this anyway. My friend Bandy gave me some advice. She told me when she moved from Denver, she took with her everything that could fit in her car. She did this by picking and choosing what was most important to her. Everything else had to go, because there wasn't any space for extra. I did the exact same thing. Cleansed myself of unnecessary material possessions that didn't serve me a purpose anymore. I gave most items to friends and everything else that couldn't fit in my Subaru or wasn't beneficial to me anymore, I donated. Now I have exactly what I need for right now.
Do you ever get that feeling like you should do something, even if you don't want to? I'm not saying don't get up for work on a Monday morning because you are tired and hate your job…that's a topic for a whole different blog post. I'm referring to those situations where we feel uneasy about committing to someone or not doing something out of fear. I am the first person to admit that I need to be forced out of my comfort zone, otherwise I turn into a complacent homebody going to bed by 9:30 on a Friday night. If my road trip has taught me anything, it's that I've learned how my controlling-perfectionist behavior needs to let go of plans and roll with the punches. To say yes even when I really want to say no. To be honest and kind to everyone I run into.
Feeling inspired by this song, "Let It Happen" from Tame Impala